


The Big World of Eddie Kaspbrak

by wakinguptoblue



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Pennywise is Defeated in the First Battle (IT), Angst, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, First Kiss, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Gay Richie Tozier, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, There's only really mentions of the other losers no real cameos, Underage Drinking, Unrequited Love, parent mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-26 21:07:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30112038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wakinguptoblue/pseuds/wakinguptoblue
Summary: Richie never really had his eyes set out for anybody, in the romantic sense. When he was young his parents would joke about the girl he played with during recess being his girlfriend, or even one of his dearest friends Beverly Marsh being his wife someday- He never really paid attention to the girls at school much to his parents disappointment. He knew there were pretty ones, Bev was one of them. Pretty orange hair and freckles splashed on pale white skin, round green eyes that could pierce right through him. Maybe if he had ever cared Beverly and him would have a disgusting, picture-perfect family in the future.But the more Richie thought about it he only ever had eyes on one person in particular, someone who’d been by him through thick and thin- who’d patch him up after Bowers almost beat him to a pulp, who he spent so much time with he couldn’t think about it being with anybody else.Eddie Kaspbrak.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 6
Kudos: 43





	The Big World of Eddie Kaspbrak

**Author's Note:**

> if you wanna listen to a song while reading this I'd reccomend everything else by syd matters <3 I listened to it the whole time I was writing this fic and I think it captures the vibe pretty well!! hope u enjoy

Richie never really had his eyes set out for anybody, in the romantic sense. When he was young his parents would joke about the girl he played with during recess being his girlfriend, or even one of his dearest friends Beverly Marsh being his wife someday- He never really paid attention to the girls at school much to his parents disappointment. He knew there were pretty ones, Bev was one of them. Pretty orange hair and freckles splashed on pale white skin, round green eyes that could pierce right through him. Maybe if he had ever cared Beverly and him would have a disgusting, picture-perfect family in the future. 

But the more Richie thought about it he only ever had eyes on one person in particular, someone who’d been by him through thick and thin- who’d patch him up after Bowers almost beat him to a pulp, who he spent so much time with he couldn’t think about it being with anybody else. 

Eddie Kaspbrak. 

Richie truly noticed his feelings for Eddie after _that_ summer. The summer he spent with his friend’s where they defeated a space monster who killed Bill’s little brother. He was sat with Eddie at the barrens, pulling at the grass in the ground while Eddie ranted about some anxiety he had about touching poles- Eddie was always like that, caring about the smallest things so much you worried he’d blow. But caring about the most insignificant things meant you cared about all of them, and that must’ve included Richie, because to Richie he thought he was just a tiny ant in the world of Eddie Kaspbrak. 

“Anyway, I don’t know why they don’t sanitize poles, especially on buses. So many gross people have touched those! What if I got cancer or something because they didn’t clean a stupid pole?” Eddie threw his hands in the air in aggravation and laid back onto the grass.

“I don’t think you can get cancer from touching a pole, Eds. That’s not how cancer works.” Richie replied, laying back on the grass next to him. 

“Whatever, they still should.” Eddie grumbled. He still had his cast on, the ‘LOVER’ written on it slightly faded from time. The incident was a month ago then, it was still fresh in Richie’s mind and his friends. They all acted as if nothing happened for their own sakes. “I don’t know what I’d do if you got cancer, Richie. That’d be like, fucking awful. You probably will if you keep smoking cigarettes-” Richie only laughed before leaning on his side to look at his friend. Eddie seemed happier today, you could always tell if Eddie was having a bad day by the crease between his eyebrows- On good days like this one, it was barely present. Richie always noticed those small things about him, another being how his eyes crinkled when he smiled- or how he’d kick rocks on the sidewalk.

“It wouldn’t be a big deal, if I die there would be plenty of Richie’s in the sea.” He commented, not before getting a swift punch to his arm. “What was that for?” Eddie glared at him, mouth pouted. 

“Don’t say things like that,” Eddie sighed. “I have no idea what I’d do without you, dude.” 

  
  


That’s when Richie realized, maybe it wasn’t platonic after all. 

That same day after Eddie biked back to his house, Richie carved their initials into the kissing bridge. He hoped maybe accepting it this once, will make it go away. 

  
  
  


He realized that it still hadn’t gone away a year later and that it was much, much worse. He’d spent plenty of nights with dreams of being free enough to kiss him, all of them made him wake up in tears. He’d go to school the next day, and act as if nothing ever happened. He’d go with Eddie to the library after school almost every day and help him with homework, because somehow Richie was better at math than Eddie was.

“I hate algebra, this is why I didn’t pass it last year! It makes zero sense.” Eddie exclaimed before slumping back in his chair, Richie put down his own pencil and leaned over to check his work, Eddie seemed to be getting it mostly right. “I don’t understand it.” Eddie griped. 

“What don’t you understand?” Richie asked, facing towards the frustrated boy. “You seem to be doing it right, what’s bothering you?” Eddie hadn’t spoken still, he was fuming. “Have you not been able to jack off in a while? I know that happens to me if-” 

“God Rich no!” Eddie blurted, his face now red with embarrassment. Richie couldn’t help but think it was _cute,_ he knew to keep that thought to himself. “I just hate the rules, like all of these rules could easily be changed but _no_ they want to make it difficult.” He rubbed his temples in frustration, the crease between his brows was there. “Like who decided that x was a variable? Why _x_? It could’ve been a new symbol or- whatever!” Eddie almost slammed his hands on the table but stopped himself to avoid disturbing others in the building. Richie leaned back in his chair, trying to think of a way to make Eddie feel better. 

“Uh, something I’ll do sometimes if I’m bored is turn the x into like… a different symbol. Like I dunno-” Richie sat up again and lifted his pencil over a scrap piece of paper, writing out _5x_ . “Math has strict rules but a lot of them you can cater to yourself, because x is just a _variable_ you can replace it with whatever you want and it’ll still be the same.” Richie seemed to have caught Eddie’s interest, because now he was leaning beside him, watching him write on the paper. “Like the x could just be a stick guy, or an eyeball, or pretty much whatever you want. I liked drawing them as dicks.” Richie showed an example and it made Eddie erupt into laughter. 

“That’s so, oh my god Richie.” Eddie snickered, picking up his own pencil. “That’s dumb, but you made me feel a bit better- uh, thank you.” Eddie pulled a very pleased grin, that’s when Richie knew that these dreams may never stop, and they may never become reality. But for now, making Eddie smile was all he could ever need. 

  
  


That night he cried because the only person he ever found pretty was a boy. He could only hope that his feelings would dissipate soon enough.

  
  


After another year, the feelings grew more intense. He realized that maybe he was in _love_ with Eddie, that realization hurt him more than he wanted to admit. He was fairly sure Stan knew, but luckily Stan wasn’t one to ask questions.

He just couldn’t imagine kissing anybody else. 

He realized this when one night Eddie was staying at his house, despite Mrs. Kaspbrak’s hatred for Richie. In his head Richie wanted to believe that the reason Eddie would disobey his mother’s rules was because he liked Richie the same, although it was just a wish. His parents were both out on a date so they had the house alone, and Richie somehow convinced Eddie to share a bottle of his dad’s nice whiskey that he smuggled to his room a while back. They didn’t drink much, only enough to be tipsy and not walk properly. Richie enjoyed seeing Eddie cut loose once and a while. 

“Richie, I’m gonna tell you a secret-” Eddie whispered into his ear through a fit of giggles, Richie nodded his head, assuming it would just be something stupid- “I think I have a crush.” Eddie mumbled, a smile still present on his face. Richie, however, felt his heart sink through the floor. He knew this was inevitable, as much as he wished Eddie was gay in the end he wasn’t. He knew that in the big world of Eddie Kaspbrak, a small ant like him didn’t mean enough to be loved like that. He shouldn’t have hoped, Richie should’ve known he was the only queer in their insufferable little town. Richie pulled a smile, hoping it was convincing enough to not make Eddie think he was acting weird. “Do you have a crush?” Eddie asked, words slightly slurred due to the alcohol in his body. Richie shrugged. 

“I think… I think I might be in love.” Richie confessed, Eddie’s eyes widened like an owl. Richie hoped Eddie couldn’t see through him, he hoped that Eddie thought that who he loved was a girl. Eddie scooted a bit back, the space between them was awkward and filled with painful silence. 

“With who?” Eddie asked quietly. Richie, out of fear of ruining their friendship, said;

“Bev.” 

“...Oh.” Eddie replied. The conversation moved on quickly, the flow of their speech normal again but Richie couldn’t help but feel his heart tighten, like it was suffocating. 

He was pretty sure he couldn’t imagine _Eddie_ kissing anybody else either. But Richie had convinced himself that it was just jealousy, and he knew he couldn’t keep Eddie to himself. Eddie wasn’t one to be pinned down. 

Richie realized that he truly was in love when he felt the heartbreak of Eddie liking someone other than him. He hoped that maybe this time, it would actually go away.

  
  


Another year passed by and Richie had almost forgotten about what he told Eddie that night, his feelings still prevailed but everything between them to him at least still felt normal- until Bill asked him if Eddie had told him about his mom moving away. 

Richie hadn’t known that Eddie was moving away. 

As soon as Bill asked that question he booked it to Eddie’s- he feared that Eddie was already gone, he worried that Eddie didn’t want him to know he was leaving, he was scared that maybe this would be the end. 

That maybe Richie would never get to tell him.

He collapsed at the front door of the Kasprak residence, practically pounding at the door and yelling for Eddie to open the door. He was lucky that Mrs. K hadn’t swung open the door out of anger, but it was slowly opened by Eddie- who had a pained look on his face. 

“Please let me inside.” Richie pleaded, Eddie sighed and looked behind him, probably checking for his mother. 

“We can sit in my backyard.” He said quietly. Richie went through the gate at the side of the house and was met with Eddie’s small frame sitting at the edge of his back porch. The evening sun settled on his cheeks and his hair was unstyled and messy. Richie carefully approached and sat beside him, the air between them was quiet, almost unbearingly so. 

“So…” Richie trailed off, unable to articulate what to say. 

“So…” Eddie mimicked, he had his arms wrapped around his knees and his mouth hidden. “Did Bill tell you…?” He asked, Richie nodded. “I was going to tell you myself, but I- y’know-” Eddie sighed, covering his face with his hands. 

“Why didn’t you tell me first?” Richie asked solemnly, he could feel the anxiety fill his throat. “We’re best friends I thought-” 

“Are we, Richie?” Eddie said, his voice filled with subtle frustration. He felt almost offended that Eddie would ask such a thing. “Because it doesn’t feel like it anymore.” Eddie confessed, his voice strained, you could see the glassiness in his eyes. 

“Why wouldn’t we be?” Richie said, he wanted to cry, maybe Eddie didn’t want to be friends after all, maybe Richie wasn’t even deserving of that. In the big world of Eddie Kaspbrak, an ant eventually would get stepped on. Eddie twiddled with his thumbs and Richie couldn’t help but feel like puking. He lost the one thing in the world he’d spent years keeping. 

“Did you ever tell Beverly?” Eddie’s question was muffled by the sleeve of his shirt, Eddie rarely wore long sleeves. Richie didn’t know what he was talking about.

“Tell her, what?” Eddie’s eyes shot a glare at him and he pouted, kicking the deck under his shoe.

“That you were in love with her.” _Oh._ Richie had forgotten. 

“I-... I was never in love with her, Eds.” He replied, knowing if Eddie was soon to be gone it was no use hiding it anymore. 

“What?” Richie shuffled in his seat, his body facing towards Eddie’s. Their knees were close to touching, it was something Richie practically died over years ago, and still did. Any touch from Eddie made his heart flutter. Richie’s leg bounced in anxiety, he could feel the lump in his throat grow bigger and bigger- he spent all of high school and middle school hiding all of these feelings for his best friend under layers of irony and exaggerations. He wasn’t gonna hope it went away this time, he wasn’t gonna let Eddie go without him knowing how he truly felt about him- He looked into Eddie’s brown inviting eyes, his heartbeat kicking his ribs so hard he worried they’d break. He took a deep breath and for once, he accepted it.

“I was in love with you, Eds.” Richie stated, relief coating every inch of him, but he had more to say. “I say was but- I still am. And I have been since we were thirteen. I just…” He paused, looking for the right words to say. “When you told me you liked somebody, I gave up. I knew my chance was out the window and I know it still is but I’ve spent years trying to hide the pent up love I’ve had for you ever since I saw you. I always wondered why I never found girls pretty or imagined getting married- but I know now it’s because I wanted nothing more in the world than to be able to feel those things for _you_.” Richie felt a tear run down his cheek, and in his moment of openness, Eddie was open, too. He wiped the tear from Richie’s cheek, a seemingly heartbroken smile on his face. Eddie pressed his forehead to Richie’s, a small sob ripping from his throat. “I’m in love with you, Eddie. Please don’t move away-” Richie began sobbing too, their tears shared in a pool on the porch wood. “You can live with me until you go to college, I don’t think I can handle seeing you leave. Even if we aren’t friends I don’t think I could handle seeing you go without knowing how I feel.” Eddie pulled away from him, his smile not faltering. 

“I’m not moving away, Rich.” He spoke, voice raspy from the cries. “Like _shit_ , I don’t think I could handle being away from you for that long. I’m just helping my mom move to Portland, but I’m staying here until I go to New York for college.” Richie still hadn’t processed that information, but now he felt stupid for confessing when Eddie wasn’t even leaving in the first place. “I just- just-! Fuck it.” Eddie crashed their lips together, their mouths were both wet from tears but to Richie it was more than just good, it was _perfect_. Richie could feel more tears slip from his eyes but they weren’t sad this time, this time it was from relief. 

  
  
  


In the big world of Eddie Kaspbrak, even an ant so small meant the world. 

And in the mind of Richie Tozier, he realized that he was in love with Eddie Kaspbrak, and there weren’t any consequences to that.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed!! i wrote this cus i needed a bit of a refresher from the other fic im writing but i hope u liked it !!! if you feel like it please check out my other reddie fic thats still ongoing called These Four Years :) have a good evening/morning!


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